Lately…well, just quite recently, I have been learning how to face my fears and how to let go with grace.
I spent this afternoon talking to Isa about how life is in a constant state of change. I have been wrestling with a lot of things, most of them along the lines of faith and purpose; both of which I currently find myself on the losing end.
We also talked about the future, and how it is unsure, unpredictable, and unsafe.
An unexpected turnout of events has compelled me to rethink some decisions I have made, and whether they were really worth my time. And through this quite melancholic and semi-depressing assessment, I realized that some of these decisions that I thought I needed to value the most were actually the ones that I had to let go of in order to reach my Great Perhaps.
And having these thoughts realized (and somehow materialized) came to me like a sharp and hard slap in the face. And as I type these words and reminisce about that feeling which I experienced a good hour ago, I feel quite devoid of all emotion.
The future is unsafe. And as far as unsafe goes, I find myself cowering into my little corner of Quote-and-Unquote Safety. I am scared of the future, and who I’ll be, what I’ll be, where I’ll be ten years from now. But I learned that life will always be a process and never a destination in itself. We can all set goals every now and then, but these goals are subject to change because we are always in a process of becoming.
I am turning 22 in two months, and whether I like it or not, I have to face the future despite the baggage and harsh reality it comes with. Life was never meant to be easy. People come and go, and sometimes, people leave for good. But there are always a better few who will forever stay.
Sorry to burst your (emo) bubble, Peyton Sawyer.
Yes, the future is definitely unsafe. But Isa reminded me of how Mr. Beaver would describe Aslan as unsafe…but good.
And she was right.
True. The future is not safe. And from what I have been repeatedly emphasizing, the future scares me shitless. But on the upside of it all, the future holds a lot of possibility and opportunity to make your life count. Hibernating in my little cave and choosing to run away from my fears will cripple me in the end. We live for the battle scars; we live for the revolution. And as my friend Denise said, “I’d rather regret the things I haven’t done than the things I did,” which makes a whole lot of sense because our experiences—good or bad—mold us into the better people we are today. And we have no way to go but up, so it’s all good. Right?
And as Veronica Mars said in Season 2:
Most definitely not.
I like how John Green phrased it in Looking for Alaska. (A quote in a quote!)
Thomas Edison’s last words were ‘It’s very beautiful over there’. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.
The future may not be safe, but it is good. I may never know what’s in store, but I definitely believe that it will be beautiful.