It’s Christmas tomorrow, and I still have so many presents to wrap, cookies to bake, and letters to write. I also realized that it’s been quite a while since I wrote about something from the heart. The past weeks prior to today were such a blur, especially in the industry I work for.
And because it is Christmas, it also means that 2011 is coming to a close in a week. This year sped by so quickly, but the days were extremely long. And to think, that in a span of 6 months, my world was shaken, broken, mended, and changed for (I’d like to think) the better. I was talking to one of my best friends, Sandy, about why we sometimes fall in to a “relapse” where we lose sight of our own Great Perhaps. Sometimes, I feel like the universe likes playing 1ups on us, making us feel so broken and lost in life. But then again, I believe that it’s the universe’s way of telling us that we need each other in order to go past and conquer life’s hurdles.
I guess one of the most important lessons I learned this year was that it’s okay to share your brokenness with other people. I’m not usually the type who lets people in, or the kind who shares her life story to the rest of the world. I’m just not built that way. I’ve always been the guarded type who builds walls because I don’t want to get hurt. But I realized that by protecting myself from getting hurt also meant protecting myself from happiness. Sure, a lot of people would say that I’m a risk-taker, I would so myself. But when it comes to matters of the heart, I like playing it safe. The thing with me opening myself up is that I’m afraid of being vulnerable around people, but through time, I have come to realize that the world doesn’t work like that. People need people, as long as they’re the ones you can count on.
2011 has been such an interesting year for me. I’ve been to new and exciting places, painfully severed ties with lost causes, failed, (wo)manned-up, got some tattoos, become a lovable puppy’s mommy, gone wild, caved in, left an old job, got a new one, reconnected with God, reconnected with best friends, lost myself, found myself, found my faith. Surprised myself with something (rather, someone) I didn’t expect to find. Just like a gem amongst the pebbles.
Looking back, I kind of said the same things also in my birthday entry, which was only last November. But looking back at all the failures and trials I had in life, I always remember J.K. Rowling’s speech at Harvard where she said
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned…
This Christmas, I wish for clarity in order to make braver and wiser decisions in life. If there’s one thing, I have been learning to find a balance with losing myself and keeping my toes firmly planted on the ground.
We all wish for a world where everything will fall perfectly into place. But the problem is, it doesn’t work that way. Chips don’t always fall where we want them to, and in the end, we just have to suck it up and deal with it the proper way. We just have to stop making excuses and muster the courage to face it head on. Life wasn’t meant to be easy, but we were meant to survive. I don’t want to waste my time in trivial things, knowing that there is a world of possibility and wonder waiting for me. I wanna keep myself inspired, brave, and always moving forward. Here’s to a brave new world, further in, further on.