March 26, 2012. It has been 2 years since I graduated from college.
Yup, 17, 280 hours ago I was in my friend’s condo prepping up for that big day known as Graduation.
Some memories include:
- Waffles at Pancake House
- That grueling 4-hour grad practice
- Our last lunch as students in KFC
- Settling for a ponytail because of my awkward hair length
- Rushing in heels to hail a tricycle driver (that overcharged, yet we complied because we were that desperate)
- Risking my valuables’ safety by stuffing them all in a duffel bag and into a random locker without a lock
- Again, the heels
- Photos with friends
- That 5-second diploma walk
- A Song for Mary with my fist lifted high in the air, filled with so much pride and promise
- Throwing our graduation caps
- Missing the after party because I got too full after dinner and passed out on the couch
Seeing my Facebook feed filled with graduation photos makes me feel immensely nostalgic. I felt a gravitational pull towards that pit that contained all of my thoughts during that day. It was a pleasant mix of Dr. Seuss’s Oh, the Places You’ll Go and my whiny self complaining inwardly about my hair and my heels. See, I never wear heels, and as much as I wanted to leave them behind and walk in my worn-out Sanuks, I knew it would make my mum proud. To see her 20-year old daughter in heels. It was that big of a deal. Anyways.
The feeling of graduating from university embarked a new beginning. Thoughts along the lines of a new chapter has closed, a new one has begun! Or time to turn a new leaf. Or this is it!!! engulfed my mind. For me, well, I guess I was still getting used to the idea of having to enter the real world, and earning my own dough. Part of me was ecstatic, knowing that I was going to be a “young professional”, but at the same time, I didn’t want to let go of the familiar environment I was leaving.
One thing that sort of umbrella-d all these thoughts was the idea of hope and promise. I was pompous enough to think that I had everything going the way I wanted. I had a college diploma and I had what I thought of (then) as my “dream job” waiting for me. It felt like I had a jittering time bomb inside me, waiting to explode at my command. I had the world in my hands, and everything would sail smoothly hereon.
But the ugly truth is that life did not turn out the way I expected (as with most things in this life). To be brutally honest, I remain to find myself at a standstill. That’s just how life has been rolling for me right now, but don’t get me wrong. I think being stuck is the perfect place for me at the moment. Two years after graduation, I am still ardently searching for my little corner in the universe. I guess it’s just different for everyone. I have friends who instantly found what they were looking for, and good for them. It just means that the ball rolls at a different pace for everybody—unique and special. And that’s perfectly fine.
I think that right now is the perfect time to get lost and explore. There are a lot of times when I write about how I need a break to think about life again, and again, and again. Sometimes, I get frustrated and wonder why I haven’t figured it out yet, but today, I realized that it’s okay. This is the time to try new things, and if they don’t work out, it just means that it wasn’t meant for you. It’s kind of maddening, yes. But if we didn’t know what wasn’t meant for us, then we wouldn’t discover what we were meant to do.
Graduation is such a beautiful anomaly in the sense that you are released with some fine furnished skills and talents, and a clearer idea of what you want to do for the rest of your life. But it’s also taking your first dip into the ocean of uncertainty. The end is just the beginning, and sometimes, that path towards the right direction may take a while to discover. That’s where I am now, figuring things out. And I am taking my time in doing just that. I am still holding on to my Great Perhaps close, and someday, somehow, I know I will reach my destination. It’s only a matter of time.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
– Dr. Seuss
Mikka Wee 